What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
