I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
