Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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