Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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