were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
