Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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