Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
wow bdsm is so cute
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
