..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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