i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
