Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
