If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
