Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
