you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize