i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
They are going to name an STD after you.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize