Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
COCAINE IS GR8
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
