Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
