I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
