my vag is so smooth its legendary
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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