sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
