I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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