what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
