I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
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