i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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