Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
