im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
