You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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