he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Who put my cat in the fridge?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
