Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
