You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
i think my cat just said my name.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
