Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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