he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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