I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
