he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
