Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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