i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize