my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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