there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
