nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
