This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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