you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
We left the knife in your bed.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize