Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
