I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
