I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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