is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Randomize
