All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
