no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
