ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
