Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
