True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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