so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
