My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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