I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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