ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Randomize
