Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
