i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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