I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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