I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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