whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
