can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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