these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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