Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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