What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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