take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
