Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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