there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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