Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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