I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
