I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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