some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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