Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
When are your genitals available?
Randomize
