Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize