i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
