You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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