Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
It's rum buckets o'clock
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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